Sunday, March 19, 2023

How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb is one of those silly but funny top ten lists. We hope you enjoy this and if you love dogs we are sure you will.

Golden Retriever:

The sun is shining and the day is young We’ve got our whole lives ahead of us and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie:

Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

Dachshund:

You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler:

Make me.

Boxer:

Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Labrador:

Oh, me, me! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

German Shepherd:

I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, checked to make sure I haven’t missed any and made just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Jack Russell Terrier:

I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog:

Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb!

Cocker Spaniel:

Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Chihuahua:

Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or “We don’t need no stinking light bulb”.

Greyhound:

It isn’t moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd:

First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle…

Poodle:

I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Originally published as How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? on The Laughline

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Sunday, March 12, 2023

Fly On The Wall

Sometimes I think it would be fun to be a fly on the wall in a call centre, listening in to some of the bizarre calls the customer service operators receive and watching their reactions.

This is just one of those sorts of calls where it would have been interesting to watch the expression on the face of the customer service operator:

Irate customer: “I’ve been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and I can’t get through to enquiries, can you help?”

Call Centre Operator: “Where did you get that number from, sir?”

Irate Customer: “Well, it was on the door to your offices”.

Call Centre Operator: “I’m sorry, Sir, but that’s not our helpline number, those are our opening hours!”

Originally published as Fly On The Wall on The Laughline

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Sunday, March 05, 2023

Donald Trump’s Lie Detector Test

Donald Trump, ever the victim, said he was sick of people always accusing him of lying.

So today, he met with someone from the CIA to administer a lie detector test to settle the matter once and for all.

The CIA agent explained how the lie detector test worked to Donald Trump.

He told him that he would ask a series of questions. If he told the truth, the light would turn green, and if he told a lie, then the light would turn red.

After explaining how the test worked, the agent asked Trump if he understood.

Trump replied, “Yes.”

The light on the lie detector turned red.

Originally published as Donald Trump’s Lie Detector Test on The Laughline

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Sunday, February 26, 2023

Rosemary And Christina

Rosemary and Christina had been the best of friends since high school and tried to do as much as they could together.

So when Rosemary announced that she was going to go on a diet to lose some of the pounds she had put on over the last few months, her friend Christina said, “Why don’t I join you? I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out”.

Rosemary thought that was a great idea and said, “That’s brilliant, Christina. When I get the urge to go and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first”.

“That’s great,” Christina replied. “I’ll come with you, and we can ride to Mcdonalds together.”

Originally published as Rosemary And Christina on The Laughline

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Sunday, February 19, 2023

Overweight Husband

Mary was fed up with the fact that her husband Derek was overweight, so she put him on the spot and asked him why he wasn’t doing anything about shedding a few pounds, especially as Summer was fast approaching.

“But Mary, honey,” he replied, trying to fob his wife off with an age-old excuse. “No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to lose any weight. I must have an overactive thyroid”.

“Ha!” his wife responded. “The results of your tests came back from the doctor today, and your thyroid is perfectly normal. If there’s anything you have that’s overactive, it’s your fork!”

I think that’s when the fighting began…

Originally published as Overweight Husband on The Laughline

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