Sunday, September 15, 2024
A grandma lovingly gives her granddaughter a kiss on the cheek upon seeing her at a family get-together. Afterwards, she noticed the little girl wiping her cheek.
“Are you wiping off my kiss?” she asked.
“No”, she smartly replied, somewhat embarrassed but quick on her feet, “I’m just rubbing it in!”
#joke
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Sunday, September 08, 2024
My girlfriend asked me for something that goes 0 to 200 in 2 seconds for her birthday.
Apparently she wasn’t asking for a scale
#joke #short
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Sunday, September 01, 2024
A sign in a restaurant window reads, "If you order it and we don't have it, you instantly win a million dollars."
A man walking by notices the sign and walks into the restaurant, sitting down with a smirk. The waiter asks for his order, and the man requests "white rhinoceros stew." Surprisingly, the waiter returns with a steaming bowl of exactly that. The man, taken aback, eats the expensive meal and leaves angrily after paying.
The next day, he returns with the same smirk and orders "bullet ants stuffed with dolphin meat." The waiter promptly brings him his requested dish. Once again, the man, surprised, eats his meal, pays, and leaves in frustration.
On the third day, he sits down and asks for "a lactating mermaid breast sandwich." After a few minutes, the waiter returns with two large duffle bags containing one million dollars. Ecstatic, the man exclaims, "I knew it! You don't have mermaid breast!"
The waiter politely responds, "We actually do, sir. We just ran out of bread."
#joke #animal #dolphin #ant #food #bread #sandwich #meat #meal
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Sunday, August 25, 2024
"9-1-1, what is your emergency?"
"Help! I was hunting in the woods with my friend, and he suddenly dropped dead for no reason! Oh my God, I'm freaking out!!"
"Calm down, sir, we'll get you through this. The first thing we need to do is make sure that your friend really is dead."
"All right, hold on a second."
BLAM!
"Okay, now what?"
#joke #sport #hunting
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Sunday, August 18, 2024
After successfully getting their big line items approved in the congressional spending package, two lobbyists were celebrating at a Washington restaurant.
“You know,” mused one, “it’s a crying shame our grandchildren and great-grandchildren haven’t been born yet so they can see the terrific things the government‘s doing with their money."
#joke
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