LVBRIDGE

Sunday, February 19, 2023

Overweight Husband

Mary was fed up with the fact that her husband Derek was overweight, so she put him on the spot and asked him why he wasn’t doing anything about shedding a few pounds, especially as Summer was fast approaching.

“But Mary, honey,” he replied, trying to fob his wife off with an age-old excuse. “No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to lose any weight. I must have an overactive thyroid”.

“Ha!” his wife responded. “The results of your tests came back from the doctor today, and your thyroid is perfectly normal. If there’s anything you have that’s overactive, it’s your fork!”

I think that’s when the fighting began…

Originally published as Overweight Husband on The Laughline

Posted on 02/19/23 at 11:40 AM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;

Sunday, February 12, 2023

His Blonde Patient

The surgeon went to see his blonde patient the day after her surgery, and she rather hesitantly asked him how long it would be before she could resume her sex life.

“Uh, Well, I hadn’t really thought about that, the stunned surgeon replied. “You are the first patient I have had to ask that after I removed their tonsils.”

Originally published as His Blonde Patient on The Laughline

Posted on 02/12/23 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;

Sunday, February 05, 2023

Restroom Buttons

Is it just me, or do you also find it fascinating when you go to the restroom on a plane and find that there are lots of buttons, the purpose of which isn’t always obvious? But being a man, we just have to press buttons to find out what they do. You do it as well, don’t you? I knew it, we men are all the same.

Anyhow, on with our story, which involves a man who was traveling by plane and urgently needed to use the restroom during the flight. However, each time he got up to go to the restroom, he found that it was occupied.

The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested that he could use the flight attendant’s Ladies' room, but she warned him not to press any of the buttons while he was in there.

So, the man thanked her and went into the flight attendant’s restroom, sat down, and relieved himself.

To his surprise, next to the roll of toilet paper were four buttons that were marked:

WW, WA, PP, and ATR

As you might expect, curiosity got the better of him, and he made the mistake so many men make of not listening to a woman, and he began to fiddle with the buttons to see what each of them did.

He carefully pressed the WW button and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed on his bare bottom.

The man thought to himself, “Wow, these flight attendants are really treated well”.

Getting bolder, the man then pressed the WA button.

Warm Air at a comfortable body temperature blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably.

“Ahh”, he thought, “no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom when they have these kinds of facilities”.

Feeling even bolder, the man pushed the next button, marked PP.

A soft disposable Powder Puff swung below him and dusted his backside lightly with talcum powder.

“Oh man, this is amazing”, he thought as he then reached out for the ATR button.

When he awoke in the hospital a few hours later, the morphine was just wearing off.

In a state of confusion, he buzzed the nurse to find out where he was and what had happened.

The man explained to the nurse that the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the ladies' room on the plane.

The nurse explained, “Yes sir, I’m sure you must have been having a great time until you pushed the Automatic Tampon Removal button”.

She then added, “by the way, your penis is under your pillow”.

Originally published as Restroom Buttons on The Laughline

Posted on 02/05/23 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;

Sunday, January 29, 2023

The Mouse And The Giraffe

This mouse was sitting in a bar having a beer when a beautiful young giraffe walked in and sat down at the end of the bar.

The mouse looked over at her with lust in his eyes, then called the bartender over and ordered her a drink.

It didn’t take long until the mouse had moved over and sat down beside the giraffe and ordered her another drink.

After a third round, the bartender looked up to see the pair of them leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse returned, limped into the bar, barely crawled up onto the barstool, and sat there gasping for air. His whiskers were bent and broken, his tail was crooked and patches of his hair were falling out.

The bartender took one look at the mouse and said, “Man you look rough. How did it go with that giraffe last night?”

The mouse said to the bartender, “Oh man, last night was the best sex I ever had!”

The bartender looked at the mouse again and just had to ask, “If the sex with that giraffe was so good, how come you look so bad?”

The mouse replied, “Well, between all the kissing and the screwing, I must have run ten miles!”

Originally published as The Mouse And The Giraffe on The Laughline

Posted on 01/29/23 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;

Sunday, January 22, 2023

A Cowboy From Wyoming

A cowboy from Wyoming walked into a bar and sat himself down on a bar stool next to this gorgeous woman who was sitting on a stool at the bar, all by herself.

He casually looked her over, then looked at his watch for a moment.

The woman noticed him looking at his watch and asked him, “Are you waiting for someone, is your date running late?”

The Wyoming cowboy smiled at her and replied, “Oh no, ma’am, I just bought myself this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it out”.

The woman was curious and asked, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

“Well”, the cowboy said, “it uses something called alpha waves to talk to me telepathically, it’s really hi-tech”.

“Really?” the woman replied, crossing her legs the other way. “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well”, the cowboy said, “it’s telling me you aren’t wearing any underwear”.

The woman laughed and replied, “Well, your watch can’t be working then, because I am wearing underwear!”

The cowboy tapped his watch, smiled, and said, “Well, what do you know, the darned thing’s an hour fast”.

Originally published as A Cowboy From Wyoming on The Laughline

Posted on 01/22/23 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;

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