Friday, March 30, 2007
Awesome video
Check out this video of a young boy being suprized by his dad after returning from Iraq
Monday, March 19, 2007
Jokes of the Day
I thought I would share these Jokes of the day dedicated to the smart half of our population.
WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN’S REVENGE
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I’m not going to understand women.
I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
“It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and
dislikes.”
He addressed the man,
“Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s
Pillsbury, isn’t it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
of string on the counter.
She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?
He answers, “You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooo-ooo—oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day.
30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
“The wife responded, “Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, “You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee.”
Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.”
Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ........ “HEBREWS”
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote n
a piece of paper,
“Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn’t wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
Monday, March 12, 2007
Truths
Here a good Email I received the other day
GREAT TRUTHS
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . Not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . Having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . Having a girlfriend that thinks you a really good looking
At age 35 success is . . . Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money.
At age 60 success is . . Having a girlfriend that thinks you are really good looking
At age 70 success is . . . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . Not peeing in your pants.
Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way BUT never forget to remember the blessings that come each day.