Sunday, February 26, 2023

Rosemary And Christina

Rosemary and Christina had been the best of friends since high school and tried to do as much as they could together.

So when Rosemary announced that she was going to go on a diet to lose some of the pounds she had put on over the last few months, her friend Christina said, “Why don’t I join you? I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out”.

Rosemary thought that was a great idea and said, “That’s brilliant, Christina. When I get the urge to go and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first”.

“That’s great,” Christina replied. “I’ll come with you, and we can ride to Mcdonalds together.”

Originally published as Rosemary And Christina on The Laughline

Follow us on our Facebook Group for some great jokes, funny pictures, memes and more.

Sunday, February 19, 2023

Overweight Husband

Mary was fed up with the fact that her husband Derek was overweight, so she put him on the spot and asked him why he wasn’t doing anything about shedding a few pounds, especially as Summer was fast approaching.

“But Mary, honey,” he replied, trying to fob his wife off with an age-old excuse. “No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to lose any weight. I must have an overactive thyroid”.

“Ha!” his wife responded. “The results of your tests came back from the doctor today, and your thyroid is perfectly normal. If there’s anything you have that’s overactive, it’s your fork!”

I think that’s when the fighting began…

Originally published as Overweight Husband on The Laughline

Follow us on our Facebook Group for some great jokes, funny pictures, memes, and more.

Sunday, February 12, 2023

His Blonde Patient

The surgeon went to see his blonde patient the day after her surgery, and she rather hesitantly asked him how long it would be before she could resume her sex life.

“Uh, Well, I hadn’t really thought about that, the stunned surgeon replied. “You are the first patient I have had to ask that after I removed their tonsils.”

Originally published as His Blonde Patient on The Laughline

Follow us on our Facebook Group for some great jokes, funny pictures, memes, and more.

Sunday, February 05, 2023

Restroom Buttons

Is it just me, or do you also find it fascinating when you go to the restroom on a plane and find that there are lots of buttons, the purpose of which isn’t always obvious? But being a man, we just have to press buttons to find out what they do. You do it as well, don’t you? I knew it, we men are all the same.

Anyhow, on with our story, which involves a man who was traveling by plane and urgently needed to use the restroom during the flight. However, each time he got up to go to the restroom, he found that it was occupied.

The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested that he could use the flight attendant’s Ladies' room, but she warned him not to press any of the buttons while he was in there.

So, the man thanked her and went into the flight attendant’s restroom, sat down, and relieved himself.

To his surprise, next to the roll of toilet paper were four buttons that were marked:

WW, WA, PP, and ATR

As you might expect, curiosity got the better of him, and he made the mistake so many men make of not listening to a woman, and he began to fiddle with the buttons to see what each of them did.

He carefully pressed the WW button and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed on his bare bottom.

The man thought to himself, “Wow, these flight attendants are really treated well”.

Getting bolder, the man then pressed the WA button.

Warm Air at a comfortable body temperature blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably.

“Ahh”, he thought, “no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom when they have these kinds of facilities”.

Feeling even bolder, the man pushed the next button, marked PP.

A soft disposable Powder Puff swung below him and dusted his backside lightly with talcum powder.

“Oh man, this is amazing”, he thought as he then reached out for the ATR button.

When he awoke in the hospital a few hours later, the morphine was just wearing off.

In a state of confusion, he buzzed the nurse to find out where he was and what had happened.

The man explained to the nurse that the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the ladies' room on the plane.

The nurse explained, “Yes sir, I’m sure you must have been having a great time until you pushed the Automatic Tampon Removal button”.

She then added, “by the way, your penis is under your pillow”.

Originally published as Restroom Buttons on The Laughline

Follow us on our Facebook Group for some great jokes, funny pictures, memes, and more.