LVBRIDGE

Sunday, November 06, 2022

Forest Fires

Forest fires are spectacular to watch, but sadly are so destructive and hard to stop, especially when the weather is hot and dry.

A while ago in California, when huge forest fires were raging out of control up in the mountains, a photographer wanted to get photos of the fires for the national magazine he worked for.

Unfortunately, it was impossible to get anywhere close to the fires as the smoke was too thick, so in desperation, he called his office to try and charter a plane to take him up and fly over the fires.

His editor assured him the plane would be ready for him when he arrived at the airport, so the photographer got ready and made his way there.

When he arrived at the small rural airport, sure enough, there was a plane warming up near the runway.

The photographer parked his car, got out, and jumped into the plane with his equipment.

Wanting to get busy taking pictures as soon as possible, he called out to the pilot and said, “Let’s go!”

The pilot taxied along to the runway, opened up the throttle, and soon they were up in the air.

“Just fly over the north side of the fire,” the photographer said, “and make three or four low-level passes”.

“Why do you want me to do that?” the pilot asked.

“Because I’m going to take pictures!” came the reply. “I’m a photographer, and that’s what photographers do; they take pictures!”.

After a few minutes of silence, the pilot said, “You mean you’re not the instructor?”

Well, I hope the photographer got his pictures, but I suspect the pilot might have headed back to the airfield in a panic!

I used to fly quite a lot for work, and a friend always said before a trip that if I crashed, take plenty of photos as I spiral down and leave the camera to him in my will.

Originally published as Forest Fires on The Laughline

Edited for Grammer

Posted on 11/06/22 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;

Sunday, October 30, 2022

An Old Man Married To A Much Younger Woman

Here’s a lovely story for you, about an old man married to a much younger woman.

Hubert was an old man who had been married to a much younger woman for several years.

Their marriage had been very happy and they had a great sex life, until out of the blue, Hubert had a heart attack.

His doctor advised him that in order to prolong his life, they should cut out sex, totally.

Well, that was the last thing that Hubert and his lovely young wife imagined or wanted, but having discussed the situation, they both decided that Hubert should sleep downstairs in the family room, while his wife slept upstairs in their bedroom, to keep both of them from temptation.

Well, all went well for a couple of weeks, although neither of them slept much. Hubert could only imagine his lovely young wife taking care of herself upstairs in their bed, while he tossed and turned downstairs, trying to get to sleep.

But alas, every night Hubert just lay awake and kept thinking about his wife, while she did the same, thinking about her husband.

One night, after several weeks of suffering, Hubert decided that life without sex wasn’t worth living. So he decided to make his way upstairs to their bedroom.

To his surprise, he met his wife on the staircase just as she was coming down, dressed in a skimpy nightdress.

Hubert said, “I couldn’t stand another night on my own, I was just coming upstairs to die”.

His wife laughed and replied, “You too? I was just coming down to kill you!”

Originally published as An Old Man Married To A Much Younger Woman on The Laughline

Posted on 10/30/22 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;

Sunday, October 23, 2022

Fishing Trip

Four friends had been on the same fishing trip every year for many years, camping out by a lake, but this year, just two days before their trip, Bob’s wife put her foot down and told him in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t going on the trip.

Well naturally they were all devastated as it was always a good trip with plenty of fishing, loads of beer, and good banter. So disappointing.

So two days later, the three friends arrived at their campsite to find Bob there waiting for them, with a tent already set up, a stack of firewood ready for the firepit, and dinner cooking.

They were surprised to see him there and asked Bob what happened and did his wife change her mind?

“Well”, Bob said, “I have actually been here since last night”.

The three of them looked even more surprised to hear this and Bob continued.

“After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair when my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?'” he said.

“And….” the three of them asked…

“Well”, Bob continued, “I pulled her hands off, turned around and she was wearing some really sexy new lingerie. She said she had been reading ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ and she had this devilish look in her eyes! She took my hand and led me upstairs to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed, she had handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did”.

“And then what happened….” the three of them asked and you should have seen the look on their faces.

Bob carried on, “And then she said, ‘Do whatever you want', so here I am!”

Originally published as Fishing Trip on The Laughline

Posted on 10/23/22 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;

Sunday, October 16, 2022

A Recent Survey Of Married Women

In a recent survey of women who had been married for ten years or more, eighty percent thought their bum was too fat.

A further fifteen percent of married women said their bum was too thin.

The remaining five percent said they didn’t care, they would have married him anyway!

Originally published as A Recent Survey Of Married Women on The Laughline

Posted on 10/16/22 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;

Sunday, October 09, 2022

The Paramedic

The paramedic arrived at the house to find it in darkness. He had responded to the emergency call on his own as there was a power cut in the area and it was a busy night for the emergency services.

The house was very dark inside due to the power cut, so the paramedic asked Jenny, who was only three, to hold a flashlight over her pregnant Mother so he could see what he was doing while he helped to deliver the baby.

Very carefully, young Jenny did as she was asked and held the flashlight so the paramedic could see what he was doing, while her Mother pushed and pushed.

After a lot of pushing and panting, the baby was delivered successfully.

The paramedic told Jenny that she had a new little brother.

He lifted the baby by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom, making the baby cry.

The paramedic then thanked Jenny for her help and asked the three-year-old what she thought about what she had just seen.

Jenny quickly replied, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place. Give his bottom another smack so he doesn’t do it again!”

Originally published as The Paramedic on The Laughline

Posted on 10/09/22 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;

Page 21 of 76 pages ‹ First < 19 20 21 22 23 > Last ›