Sunday, October 23, 2022

Fishing Trip

Four friends had been on the same fishing trip every year for many years, camping out by a lake, but this year, just two days before their trip, Bob’s wife put her foot down and told him in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t going on the trip.

Well naturally they were all devastated as it was always a good trip with plenty of fishing, loads of beer, and good banter. So disappointing.

So two days later, the three friends arrived at their campsite to find Bob there waiting for them, with a tent already set up, a stack of firewood ready for the firepit, and dinner cooking.

They were surprised to see him there and asked Bob what happened and did his wife change her mind?

“Well”, Bob said, “I have actually been here since last night”.

The three of them looked even more surprised to hear this and Bob continued.

“After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair when my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?'” he said.

“And….” the three of them asked…

“Well”, Bob continued, “I pulled her hands off, turned around and she was wearing some really sexy new lingerie. She said she had been reading ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ and she had this devilish look in her eyes! She took my hand and led me upstairs to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed, she had handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did”.

“And then what happened….” the three of them asked and you should have seen the look on their faces.

Bob carried on, “And then she said, ‘Do whatever you want', so here I am!”

Originally published as Fishing Trip on The Laughline

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Sunday, October 16, 2022

A Recent Survey Of Married Women

In a recent survey of women who had been married for ten years or more, eighty percent thought their bum was too fat.

A further fifteen percent of married women said their bum was too thin.

The remaining five percent said they didn’t care, they would have married him anyway!

Originally published as A Recent Survey Of Married Women on The Laughline

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Sunday, October 09, 2022

The Paramedic

The paramedic arrived at the house to find it in darkness. He had responded to the emergency call on his own as there was a power cut in the area and it was a busy night for the emergency services.

The house was very dark inside due to the power cut, so the paramedic asked Jenny, who was only three, to hold a flashlight over her pregnant Mother so he could see what he was doing while he helped to deliver the baby.

Very carefully, young Jenny did as she was asked and held the flashlight so the paramedic could see what he was doing, while her Mother pushed and pushed.

After a lot of pushing and panting, the baby was delivered successfully.

The paramedic told Jenny that she had a new little brother.

He lifted the baby by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom, making the baby cry.

The paramedic then thanked Jenny for her help and asked the three-year-old what she thought about what she had just seen.

Jenny quickly replied, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place. Give his bottom another smack so he doesn’t do it again!”

Originally published as The Paramedic on The Laughline

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Sunday, October 02, 2022

The Muddy Hole

Jerry was really frustrated, having got his car stuck in a muddy hole while driving down a country lane.

Luckily for him, a farmer was passing in his tractor and for $25 he towed Jerry’s car out of the mud so he could continue on his journey.

Afterward, Jerry said to the farmer, “At those prices, you could make a good living pulling people out of that muddy hole day and night”.

“I wish I could”, the farmer replied. “but at night I have to haul water to fill the hole”.

Now that’s what I call an entrepreneur.

Originally published as The Muddy Hole on The Laughline

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Sunday, September 25, 2022

Being Taught The Bible By Her Grandmother

A nine-year-old girl was being taught the Bible by her grandmother and after a while, she was becoming quite knowledgeable about what she had learned.

Her grandmother was really pleased with her granddaughter’s progress, until one day when she asked her this question:

“Which virgin was the mother of Jesus?”

Her grandmother wasn’t really sure how to answer this strange question and was thinking about how to answer when the little girl continued…

“Was it the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”

Originally published as Being Taught The Bible By Her Grandmother on The Laughline

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