Sunday, June 07, 2020

Psychiatrist vs. Bartender

Ever since I was a child, I'd always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. 
So I went to a shrink and told him:  “I've got problems.  Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it.  I'm scared.  I think I'm going crazy” 
        "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink.   "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.” 
        “How much do you charge?” I asked.   
        “One hundred fifty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor. 
          “I'll sleep on it,” I said. 
  
        Six months later the doctor met me on the street.  “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” He asked.  “Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00.  A bartender cured me for $10.00.   I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup truck.” 
        “Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?” 
        “He told me to cut the legs off the bed.  Ain't nobody under there now.” 
 
        It's always better to get a second opinion  

Posted on 06/07/20 at 06:35 PM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;

Sunday, May 17, 2020

Hind Lick

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman ...begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

Sourced: Facebook but lost the link.

Posted on 05/17/20 at 08:00 AM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;
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