Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Halloween Kiss

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets  into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
 
He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you."
 
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me.  When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
 
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." 
 
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do  about that -
1) you have to be single and
2) you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" 

"OK"  the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. 

"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm  Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party!" 

Posted on 10/31/17 at 05:34 PM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;

Sunday, June 25, 2017

A pilot Father’s discipline

A pilot father's discipline (with love) . . ..

                                                                             
Most people today think it improper to discipline children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have had one of ‘those moments.’

Since I'm a pilot, one method that I have found very effective is for me to just take the child for a short flight during which I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behavior. 

I don't know whether it's the steady vibration from the engines, or just the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games, computer, iPod, etc. Either way, my kids usually calm down and  stop misbehaving after our flight together. 

I believe that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an important element in achieving the desired results. 

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Should work with grandkids too!


Posted on 06/25/17 at 10:24 PM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Senior Smarts

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'

The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'

The doctor raises both eyebrows,

but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says,

'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.'


He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck,

he charges them $50 and he says good bye.


The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again.

The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment , has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave..


Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask.

Just what are you trying to find out?'

The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married; so we can't go to her house.

I'm married; and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98.

The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50, and

Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7.


SHAME ON YOU FOR LAUGHING AT THAT

Posted on 05/14/17 at 09:48 AM Joke of the Week (0) Comments ;
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