Sunday, February 22, 2015

Celebration

Husband takes the wife to her high school reunion. After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored. The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works. Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down. Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

Sunday, February 01, 2015

Sex after death

A couple made a deal that  whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at  all.

After a long life  together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can you hear me?"

"Is that you, Frank?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it  like?"

"Well, I get up in  the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.

I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more  times..

Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another  romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the  afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again.

Then it's more sex until late at  night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over  again"

"Oh, Frank! Are you in  Heaven?"

"No -- I'm a rabbit  somewhere in Arizona."

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Female logic—first grade style

Leave it to a little kid to put a smile on Your face!! This is truly first grade logic.
 

Little Susie goes home from school and tells Her mom that the boys keep asking her to do Cartwheels because she's very good at doing Them.

Mom said: "YOU should say NO - they only want To look at your undies.”

Susie said: "I know they do.... that's why I hide Them in my backpack"!!

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Rest Your Mind

Sunday, January 04, 2015

Ed the Chicken

Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'

Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'

Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground..

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'

'Never,' said Ed.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming..

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....

"Ed, wake up! You shit the bed!"

Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be!