Sunday, September 07, 2014
Phone Call
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell
While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes.
When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next, Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.
When she is finished, the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.
Finally, George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished, the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.
When Putin hears this, he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.
The devil smiles and replies, "Since Obama took over, the country's gone to hell, so it's a local call."
Posted on 09/07/14 at 08:00 AM
Joke of the Week
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Wine before bed
Treat yourself to a healthy imported wine
A GLASS OF WINE BEFORE TURNING IN
A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted night's sleep.
NEW Wine for Seniors , I kid you not.....
Clare Valley vintners in South Australia,
Which primarily produce
Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot
Grigio wines,
Have developed a new hybrid grape
That acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips
Older people have to make to the
Bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be
Marketed as
PINO MORE
I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE!!
I just could not help it!
Posted on 07/20/14 at 09:28 PM
Joke of the Week
Sunday, July 13, 2014
NORWEGIAN VIRGIN
Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in Northern Minnesota, took a lightning-quick kick from a cow... Right in his crotch.
Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said: “How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance Lena, is still a virgin - in every vay.”
The doctor told him, “Olof, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on dere as long as you can.”
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint and taped it all together...quite an impressive work of art.
Olof mentioned none of this to Lena, married her and they went on their honeymoon to Duluth ....
That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts.
She said: “Olof.. You're the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez.”
Olof immediately dropped his pants and replied: “Look at dis Lena .....still in DA CRATE!”
Posted on 07/13/14 at 09:31 PM
Joke of the Week
Sunday, July 06, 2014
Sister Barbara
Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent.
Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.
The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.
"What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied.
"Don't Despair" paid 80-to-1."
Posted on 07/06/14 at 08:09 PM
Joke of the Week
Sunday, April 20, 2014
The Resurrection
It was Sunday morning, and the priest had already preached to the adults in the congregation.
Now he was presenting a children's sermon. He asked the children if they knew what the Resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.
In response to the question, a little boy raised his hand.
The priest called on him and the boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."
It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.
Posted on 04/20/14 at 07:38 PM
Joke of the Week
