Sunday, March 10, 2013

Slim Fast

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

'Cathy', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's Miracle Grow!'

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Abe and Esther

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our VISA and MasterCard bills yet?"

"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"

"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.


"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send the estimate check to the IRS this quarter?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"


Abe answers, "They'll find us!"

Sunday, January 20, 2013

VOTED BEST JOKE IN IRELAND

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife !"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of The night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Denist

Sunday, December 23, 2012

New Species

New species among us!
I knew we had developed a new species.
Yes, you guessed it, it’s a new species of young human beings!

They are referred to as “homo slackass-erectus”