Sunday, July 03, 2011

Read before you Speak

Jake Blumberg had been an observant Jew and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their rabbi, Rabbi Geller, to be with them. As the rabbi stood next to the bed, Jake’s condition appeared to deteriorate rapidly and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The rabbi lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Jake used his last bit of energy to write a message. The rabbi did his best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing his eulogy, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Jake died.
He said, “You know, Jake handed me a note just before he died. I haven’t looked at it yet, but knowing Jake, I’m sure there’s a word of inspiration there for us all. ” He opened the note, and read, “Hey, you’re standing on my oxygen tube!”

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Cheerleaders

You don’t have to live in the U.S. to know that FOOTBALL IS KING! But the game wouldn’t be complete without the cheerleaders, and here are some of footballs finest:

Little Girl on the plan

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles.

OK, ’ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’

To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit? ’

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Annoying Passenger sitting next to you on the plane?

Follow this 8 point plan to shut them up for the rest of the flight…

1. Remove your laptop from the briefcase.
2. Open the laptop slowly and carefully.
3. Turn it on, as well as the sound.
4. Make sure that the passenger next to you is looking.
5. Access the Internet.
6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open again and look up to heaven.
7. Take a deep breath and open the site: [url=http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html]http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html[/url]
8. Turn and smile at them.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Alzheimer’s Test for Modern Seniors

How fast can you guess these words

       
1. F_ _K
2.  PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM
   

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Answers:

1.  FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6.  RANDOM

You got all 6 wrong….didn’t you?

 
Don’t worry. You don’t have alzheimers.  We know what you are thinking about!!