Sunday, May 21, 2023

Patrick Murphy And Seamus

Patrick, Murphy, and Seamus staggered out of a pub in Dublin and flagged down a passing taxi.

The taxi driver stopped and seeing that they were so inebriated when they got in and problably didn’t have a clue about what has happening, he decided to play a trick on them.

When the three of them finally managed to get into the taxi and sit down, the taxi driver just switched on the engine and then switched it off again.

He turned around and said to them, “We are here, lads”.

Patrick gave the driver the taxi fare, Murphy said thanks to him, but Seamus slapped him.

The taxi driver was stunned because he had hoped that none of them would have realized the car didn’t move as much as an inch.

“So what was that for?” the taxi driver asked.

“Next time, don’t drive so fast”, Seamus said, “you almost killed us”.

Originally published as Patrick Murphy And Seamus on The Laughline

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Sunday, May 14, 2023

Masked Man

Seamus was walking along a Belfast street one night when suddenly he was confronted by a masked man who had a gun pointed right at him.

The gunman asked him, “Are you Protestant or Catholic?”

Well, as you can imagine, poor Seamus was scared out of his wits, but he figured that he had to give some kind of an answer.

Praying for guidance and doing a bit of quick thinking, he blurted out, “Neither; I’m Jewish!”.

There was silence for about five seconds, then came the masked man’s reply, “Is that so? Well, let me tell you, you’re talking to the first Arab in Belfast!”

Originally published as Masked Man on The Laughline

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Sunday, May 07, 2023

Indian Jews

Two Jewish men were having a meal in an Indian restaurant in New York.

Moishe thought for a minute, then turned to his friend Abraham and asked, !Hey Abe, do you think there are there any people of our faith who were born and raised in India?”

Abraham replied, “I don’t know the answer to that one, Moishe, never thought about it before”.

So when their waiter passed by a few minutes later, Abraham asked him, “Are there any Indian Jews?”

The waiter gave a confused look and said, “I don't be knowing sir, I ask cooksaheb”.

The waiter went off to the kitchen and returned in a few minutes and said to the pair, “No sir, no Indian Jews”.

Abraham wasn’t really satisfied with that answer and asked the waiter, “Are you absolutely sure?”

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with ‘foreigners,’ gave the expected answer, “I check again,” and he disappeared back into the kitchen.

While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Moishe said, “You know Abraham, I find it really hard to believe that there are no Jews in India. Our people are scattered everywhere throughout the world, surely there must be some Jews in India”.

At that point, their waiter returned and said, “‘Cooksaheb say there is no Indian Jews”.

“Are you quite certain?” Abraham asked once again. “I just can’t believe there are no Indian Jews!”

“Listen, I asked EVERYONE”, the frustrated waiter replied. “All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, Cococnut Jews, and Tomato Jews! No Indian Jews!”

Originally published as Indian Jews on The Laughline

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Sunday, April 30, 2023

The Stormy Sea

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We're one short."

#joke #short

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Sunday, April 23, 2023

Shipwrecked on an Island

Two men were shipwrecked near an island. When they landed ashore, one of them began screaming and yelling, "We're going to die! We're going to die! There's no food! No water! We're going to die!"The second man leaned calmly against a palm tree. When the first man saw how calm his friend was, he went crazy and shouted, "Don't you understand?! We're going to die!! "Undisturbed, the second man replied, "You don't understand, I make $100,000 a week. "Dumbfounded, the first man looked at him and asked, "What difference does that make?!? We're on an island with no food and no water! We're going to DIE!!! "The second man answered, "You just don't get it. I make $100,000 a week and I tithe ten percent on that $100,000 a week. Wherever I am, my pastor will be sure to find me!"

#joke

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