Sunday, November 22, 2015

Monday - Sunday Smile

THURSDAY

 

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her

92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.  She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.

 

Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.    

“Your Honor,” she began coolly, “I figured that at 92, if he could screw,  he could fly.”                                                

Posted on 11/22/15 at 06:19 AM

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Monday - Sunday Smile

WEDNESDAY

 

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.   With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

 

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes.  That should solve the problem.”

 

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

 

“Gee, Mom,” he exclaimed, “for me?”

 

“Just take two,” Brenda replied. “The rest are for your father.”

Posted on 11/15/15 at 06:19 AM Joke of the Week

Sunday, November 08, 2015

Monday - Sunday Smile

TUESDAY

 

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand.  He said, “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon.  Damned good!”

 

The preacher said, “Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.”

 

The man said, “I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!”

 

The preacher said, “No shit?”

Posted on 11/08/15 at 06:17 AM Joke of the Week

Sunday, November 01, 2015

Monday - Sunday Smile

Monday

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that   her daughter was having sex.

 

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.

 

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.  He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

 

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

 

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug   her mother, saying,  
 

“Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that!  I'm dating Susan!”

Posted on 11/01/15 at 06:14 PM Joke of the Week

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Old Dog

An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost.


Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.  
  
The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in it now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious panther!  I wonder, if there are any more around here?"  
  
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 
  
"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!" 
  
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther.
  
So, off he goes. 
  
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther. 
  
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!" 
  
Now, the old Doberman sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says ....... 
  
"Where's that squirrel?  I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!" 
     

Moral of this story... 
  
Don't mess with the old dogs...
  
Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

Grap and brilliance only come with age and experience. 
  
 

Posted on 09/27/15 at 12:09 AM Joke of the Week
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