Sunday, March 15, 2026
A man runs into a library yelling, “I want a burger and fries!”
The librarian whispers, “Sir, this is a library.”
The man whispers back, “Oh… sorry. I want a burger and fries.”
Sunday, March 08, 2026
A guy buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He asks his son where he was.
“At the library,” the son says. SLAP.
“Okay, fine, I was at a friend’s.”
The dad laughs and says, “When I was your age, I never lied to my father.”
SLAP.
The mom walks in and says, “Well, he definitely is your son.”
SLAP.
Sunday, March 01, 2026
A man tells his boss, “I’m sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”
The boss asks, “Virus?”
The man replies, “No, I was just watching cat videos.”
Sunday, February 22, 2026
A teacher asks her class, “If I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?”
A kid says, “Seven.”
The teacher says, “No, think carefully.”
The kid says, “I did. I already have three cats at home.”
Sunday, February 15, 2026
A woman brings her husband to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I think my husband is deaf.”
The doctor says, “Stand behind him and say something.”
She does. No response.
“Stand closer.” Still nothing.
Right in his ear, she says, “Can you hear me now?”
The husband replies, “For the fifth time, yes.”